I don’t..

see what the enormous deal is with Valentine’s day. For this “valentine’s day” celebration I’m making Japanese curry rice (a faithful ol’ favorite of our family) and cheesecake tiramisu. For everyone. For me, him, Baby Bubbles, and my father in law. That’s how we’ll celebrate valentine’s day. No dates or special gifts or anything. I asked B if there’s anything he’d prefer to eat in honor of valentine’s day (or “love day”, as my middle school friends and I used to call it back then) and he said nothing really and that it’s all up to me.

For Christmas we have decided that last Christmas would be the final Christmas we both gift each other. From now on, we won’t do the gift giving tradition any longer. We’ll still do it for his family, because that’s their tradition and we are going to respect it. But as for our own family, there’ll be no more of that. We decide to focus on saving so that our eventual goal of moving abroad within the span of three to five years can be reached in its expected time.

We decide to cut on unnecessary expense. Our netflix subscription is down to the very minimum. I told him we can cut my cellphone from our plan as well, because I don’t really need it. Most of my communication needs can be done online. But since my cell plan only costs something like five bucks per month, he says it’s alright and we can keep it just in case. 

We are keeping our energy bill down by using power/gas only as needed. Our home thermometer is never set above 65. It gets freezing on the coldest days of winter but we all learn to bundle up. After a while, we get acclimated to it.

Right now I’m doing some research and reading on how to cut our grocery bill. I think we’ve been doing well, but can do better. Much better. So I’m gonna come up with a written plan.

Times are tough. But some days when it gets a bit more unbearable than others, I think of the day we finally get to step foot in our new home country, and then I’d feel like I can do some more.

Happy Valentine’s day.

I have to quiet down my mind from overdrive. It’s been on overdrive all night long I couldn’t sleep. Only got to catch an hour or so, and each time I’ve awaken to even the quietest sound. I feel anxious; this feels like a break down, or an anxiety attack. I should’ve gone with my better judgement yesterday, not against it – because now I’m suffering the consequence. I don’t know how long this attack will remain, usually it fades after a day or two, but this one feels like nothing I’ve had before. It’s so intense I feel the constant need to be distracted; each and every second. 

I hate it when I’m in this dark place. I gotta find my way out, and it doesn’t look like I’ll get lucky anytime soon. Seems like I’ll be stuck here for quite sometime. Two days if I’m lucky.. but at this rate this looks more like a week.

My son’s second birthday isn’t until July, and yet I found myself browsing birthday party invites on paperculture. It’s sickeningly addictive.

I’ve become one of those moms……. I think.

Time for wine. 

I had…

Half of a creamy enchilada and left over spaghetti with garlic and mushroom roasted sauce for lunch.

This is going to cost me some serious work out at the gym and more yoga time, and I am A-OK with that. So maybe for dessert I’ll cut myself a slice of carrot cake I baked yesterday.

Indulging in delicious food is enjoying life; and I refuse to feel bad about doing that.