Grateful

When I was young, I thought I wanted someone to sweep me off my feet. I wanted someone who, on a whim would knock my door, and said “hey, let’s hit the road and go to Chicago.”

I thought I wanted someone who then would proceed to drive the five hours throughout the plain field of Illinois, while putting on Ella Fitzgerald and Lisa Ekdahl. We would sing along and hold hands, I would whimsically look out of the window into the darkness of the cool Midwestern summer night, and we would grin ear to ear as the skyline of Chitown comes creeping up.

I would then proclaim with all the enthusiasm I can muster, “We’re here!”

I thought I wanted someone who would take me by the hands and stroll leisurely through Millenium Park. I thought I wanted someone who would want to take a picture with me with a Navy Pier sunset on the background.

When I was young, I thought I wanted someone with a face that is so beautiful that everything else pales in comparison. I thought I wanted someone who always plays hard to get, someone who thinks I’m physically attractive.

When I was young, I thought I wanted someone to dance the night away with to the tunes of Kanye, or Jay Z, or Beyonce.  I wanted someone to carry me on his back after one too many cocktails.

When I was young, I thought I wanted someone to sit beside me on my thoughtful nights in my patio, listening to all my nonsense, agreeing with me that the world is crazy and things just don’t make sense.

When I was young I wanted adrenaline. I wanted excitement.

When I was young, I wanted a little bit of danger.

But you are truly one of a kind.

When I disappointed you, you sat calmly on your recliner. You inhaled your cigarette, sighing deeply. You explained things to me, one by one. You presented solution.

When I felt like my world was crumbling, when depression gripped me tightly, you stayed there.

When I was very, very hard to love you managed to still do.

When the baby wouldn’t latch on to my breasts on his first night alive, and out of hormonal imbalance and frustration I nearly lost my shit,  you remained calm, humming softly to his ears, and said, “It’s okay, we have to teach you and Mommy how to do this thing. It’s okay, baby.”

When we were first home from the hospital, and the baby wouldn’t stop screaming, you took him softly from his bassinet, took off your shirt, and laid him down on your bare chest. “They like to listen to your heartbeat,” you said.

And he stopped crying.

At eight days old, you came home from night school, put the baby on his belly, and told him , “alright, show me what you can do.”

That is my favorite story of you from the baby’s early days. I always smile when I remember that day.

When my grandmother was sick, you told me to take the kid and fly home. “You don’t want to regret anything,” you said. I said, ”it is very expensive to fly home, do you understand that? My home country is thousands of miles away.”

You stood by your belief. “She is very important to you. Everything else can wait.”

Five months after I left the Motherland, my grandmother passed away. Before she died, she told her trusted housekeeper, “It’s okay if my granddaughter can’t make it to my funeral. I’ve seen her again. I’ve seen my great-grandson.”

You always knew these things. Somehow you always knew.

At the brink of my reoccurring depression, when I would wake up and ask my purpose in life, you told me to pick a 5 kilometers race to run, and that we would do it.

It’s hard to imagine not having running in my life now.

When I would fall off my living healthy bandwagon, you would remind me. Not always in the way I like it, but you always do. “We will get healthy together,” you said. “So we can live longer?” I asked.

“So we can live longer.”

Somehow, you are not my idea of what I wanted all those years ago. You are safe, you are secure, you are the farthest thing from reckless, you are a planner, you thrive on predictability.

You are a rock and my strength. You are what I never knew I wanted. You are just what I want and what I need. Loving you isn’t an easy task, but I took it in hands. I never gave up on it, though oftentimes I am tempted.

You are the person with whom I was meant to share my lifetime.

And boy, oh boy, am I glad that you are.

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Forest Park, November 2010

 

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From blogging friends :)

Hi all! Long time no blog.

What’s with the hiatus? Nothing really. I’ve just been lazy, lol. Either that or I just simply lack for any inspiration to write. I would write a post halfway then I would get stuck, suddenly the words wouldn’t come out anymore so they all remain drafts.

But today I’m going to attempt a short post.. because this time, I do have something I want to write about!

Recently I’ve been very lucky, and have received three lovely things in my mailbox. And all of them from you guys, my fellow bloggers. I can’t tell you how much it made my day to receive these awesomeness.

first off… I won Miss May‘s nail polish giveaway. This was the first time I participated in a giveaway.. and I won. 🙂 I was so excited to win it, because I love me some nail polishes. That, and I also love May’s blog. She’s a talented and insightful feminist writer. What’s not to like?

It just happened that my nail polish collection is lacking for some bright summery neons. But I also love dark,sultry colors for colder months. I especially love maroon red for the holiday season in December. So when May said I can pick any OPI mini lacquer sets.. I made several choices which were the Neon Revolution ones, The Scentsational Six and the Bond Collection. I told May that she’ll just have to pick which one to send me, because I simply can’t choose one.

A mere one week later, I arrived home from an errand and found this package in my mailbox..

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And in the package was..

IMAG1619Thanks a lot, May! I’ve been wearing the polishes for the past 2 weeks. Too bad I kept forgetting to take photos everytime after I painted my nails. Now they’re all chipped,lol. Next time I paint my nails (which is due soon), I will definitely take a photo.

Secondly, about two weeks ago or so, on a Saturday afternoon after getting back from shopping, I came to my mailbox and found this..

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When I turned it around, I found that it was a postcard from Andrew.. Mas Arman‘s little dude! How awesome.

IMAG1661A while back, Mas Arman mentioned in one of his posts that Andrew is all about geography right now and is super into learning about new places around the globes. So Mas Arman contacted a few bloggers around the world and have them sent postcards from all over to lucky Andrew. I thought, well, I want to exchange a postcard with Andrew too! This is so exciting to me, because a) I’m also a geography geek. Since I was a young’in, all the way to this very day, I still LOVE learning about new places.. be it a city, a village, a mountain, a beach, anything really. and b) I LOVE postcards. I think they are so personal and lovely..like you’re receiving a little piece of both the sender and the place/thing on the postcard.

On the 4th of July this year, we went to the Saint Louis Fair, which is a 3 days festival celebrating the Independence Day down by the Arch ground. Under the Arch happens to be the Museum of Westward Expansion which also has a museum store. There I bought a few post cards, one of them was a photo of an aerial view of my city’s downtown. I thought Andrew would like that so I sent him that one.

So, thank you very much Andrew! Thank you Mas Arman and Mbak Esther! I think it’s wonderful that you guys are encouraging his love of geography through this postcard exchange. Never stop learning, buddy! There’s always something new out there to explore.

.. and thirdly, last week, I received this post card with my favorite plant (Coconut) in it..

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I can already guess the sender of this one, who happens to be none other than Miss Noni!

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When Noni wrote a post saying she has plenty of postcards to send out, I definitely commented as fast as I can (which basically meant as soon as I read her post), and thankfully I was one of her lucky readers who gets to receive a postcard from her.

Thank you so much, Non! I really like the postcard. I hope you guys get to come home to Chicago this Christmas. Chicago is awfully cold in the winter, but it is also ridiculously beautiful. (of course I am also heavily biased, because Chicago is my favorite US city, haha). I hope we get to meet sooner than later! 🙂

It’s been so wonderful receiving all these things through blogging. I also just recently joined PostCrossing (got the idea from one of May’s posts – thanks, girl) and my first sent postcard has just been registered yesterday.. which means that I’m now waiting for a postcard to come in the mail from someone. Yes, a stranger! How exciting. I even specifically bought some cute stamps  just for this postcard exchange, haha.

Is anyone interested in postcard exchange with me? Feel free to leave a comment!