Looking at photos of New York City around this time of the year makes me miss it so badly.

I’m not a winter person, let alone a holidays person, but NYC has something wonderfully magical about it in the winter. The stores beaming with lights, the hustle bustle, the Christmas tree at Rockefeller. NYC is welcoming. You can’t feel alone in this city, even if you are alone. NYC doesn’t let you feel pity. Its lights, its high spirit, its people, its rush. You can’t, you won’t. Being there is always a guaranteed state of euphoria.

I used to adore NYC madly. I wanted nothing more than to live there once I grow up. Then I visited it and somehow I had a change of heart. To this day I still blame it on the company I went with when I visited. Maybe if I were to go with company I actually love and enjoy, I might have a different perspective on it. I have yet to do it, and am eager for the day it will come.

But my desire to live there, I feel no more of it. Were I to choose a bustling metropolis to live, I’d scream Tokyo wholeheartedly. I won’t even think twice. Or maybe Paris. Berlin won’t be so bad either, will it?

Tokyo signifies my desires to go back to my roots. Yes, by all accounts I am a westernized woman from the East. All my life philosophies, my thoughts on religion, relationship, child rearing, politics, the world – people back home where I’m from would cringe when they hear them all. When I told my Mother about my views, she cringed. 

Then she said, “You can’t live back home with those kind of views. Maybe it is a good thing that you end up here in the Western hemisphere. I’ve always known you don’t belong back home.”

But Tokyo to me, feels like a balanced fusion of the ever so cheesy idiom east meets west. The culture, the traditions, the older days.. they’re all still there. Living peacefully alongside modernity. Alongside skyscraper buildings, high tech wow- worthy technology and western-infused new ideas.

Tokyo is where I would call, my dream home. I still miss the East, I would go back there and would prefer to live the rest of my life in that part of the world. 

As for Paris and Berlin? Well, I have always loved Europe. Ever since I could remember. Europe, to me, is a big land of stories. See, I’m a history buff. I love everything history. I spent my childhood reading Disney’s encyclopaedia our Grandfather gifted us on the world’s biggest cities and biggest wars. To this day I’ve always felt like history is my happy place. Getting to escape time.

And Europe to me, keeps its history intact. The buildings, the cobblestone, the rivers, the bridges.. they all have stories. And I would love nothing more than to go there, and listen to them tell me their stories. 

Not sure what the point to this post is. Except maybe somehow I feel nostalgic for some places.

This morning, the first snow of the season fell. The 27th day of December, 2011. And today I wish I were walking the streets of Manhattan, admiring the lights and the beauty, the dreams they offer.

And the loneliness they’ll never acknowledge.

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