I wasn’t sure how this happened, but I think I’ve calmed down a little.
Almost surreal to type that out, lemme tell ya.
You see, if you know me even just a little, you’d realize why “hurricane” would be an apt word to describe me in one short simple way. I’m always hurrying when I do something, I’m a klutz to the bone, sometimes I talk so fast when I have so much I need to say that people get so confused. I panic easily. I get discouraged easily. I am a pessimist. Yours truly here is the textbook definition of glass half empty. If there’s such a thing as glass quarter empty, I’d say that would be a much more befitting idiom for me.
I freak out easily. I get scared easily. Basically, I’m a hot flipping mess.
But these past few weeks.. dude, I wasn’t sure how, but there’s this wave of calm that wash over me (here’s your free pass to vom, btw) when I catch myself in the early stage of freaking out. I tell myself, “Okay, calm down. Rethink things. Start from the beginning.”
And I would start from the beginning, analysing what is the cause of said freak out. If it doesn’t warrant immediate concern, then I’d tell myself to breathe a little. I’d tell myself there is a solution to almost everything in life. And that God doesn’t sleep. He watches over me. He’s got my back.
My dramatic tendencies have gotten me nothing beneficial as far as I can recall. It’s taken me nowhere, only to places filled with regrets. Only (more than a few) heartbreaks, burnt bridges, regrets. And I guess I get tired of regrets. There’s only so much regrets I can take in my whole heart, it’s too consuming. It’s too exhausting, way too overwhelming.
I’m by all definitions, still a hot mess. But at least, I’m a calmer hot mess. That’s gotta count for something, right?
So I want to remember this. And I hope it stays. Please God let it stay.
And also, thank You, God. Thank You so much.