I need strength. A hefty dose of it. Strength, strength, strength.
Perseverance. Resilience. Toughness.
Funny, I was always hard headed. On useless things. But I’m weak when life gives me lemons. Buckets and buckets of it.
Some people say, when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Find something positive from all the negative. Held your head up high, your back straight, strengthen your knee, and march on forward. Don’t look back, don’t bother looking left or right, just walk forward. Find one direction and follow it to the end.
The problem is I am inside a dark tunnel and I forgot to bring a lighter or matches. I don’t know which direction is forward or backward. Where did I come from? Where should I go now?
Sort of lost, if you will.
I get discouraged very easily in uncertain situations. I need constant certainty, and I know that is impossible. Life is a string of uncertainties. The only certain thing is change. The only certain thing about life is its uncertainty.
I used to always run away. Find the closest exit door and run with all my might.
Now I don’t run anymore. And it scares me. How do I behave in the altar of uncertainty so I don’t piss it off? I would very much like to not shit in this big show called life, please. I would like to have standing ovation. Heck, at the very least I would like to not embarass myself.
I need this strength. I need shamelessness.
I must be strong because someone else depends all his might on me. All his livelihood on me.
Some days can’t be cured by a good cry and a bowl of ice cream. Some days I just have to patiently sit through it and wait for it to be over.
Hope for a good night sleep, and when I wake up, a new chance at a better day.